Jacob wrestled the angel
and the angel was overcome
You plant a demon seed
and raise a flower of fire...."
It seems to me that perhaps one of the greatest blasphemies one can commit
is to not forgive themselves.
Grace is offered at a price, and to not accept that is to nullify it.
To give lip-service to the cross and all that Jesus came to teach
and yet continue to harbor in myself a loathing and disdain for parts of me
is nothing short of telling God, "I know better than you how to treat me," and is analagous to harboring a traitor to the kingdom in the floorboards of my basement.
It is lending attention to the god of un-forgiveness before the God of forgiveness.
To love my neighbor I must love myself... and to love myself...
I must love [trust] God.
I must trust He loves me as he created me.
Did He create me with all these imperfections?
Are they part of the big picture and therefore perfect?
Is sin just love moving in the wrong direction?
I am finding that forgiveness of myself I never got from you....
Forgiveness I never expected to have to find... in me...
perhaps that was my demon seed.
I feel I'll be closing up the hole I bored in this whisper tree soon...
As soon as I can articulate my forgiveness of you.
It's funny that in the soil of my hurt
is exactly the place where I find forgivess.
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